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If you really want to live for free, get some friends together and seize a building at Columbia University. The cops come free, as do blue ribbon committees with funny long names FREE BUFFALO — In order to keep the herds at a controllable level the government will give you a real, live buffalo if you can guarantee shipping expenses and adequate grazing area. According to the new law you have to be under 21 or over 65 years of age and have a low income (00 or less if you are single) to qualify. NEARBY HOSPITALS — Gouverneur Clinic, 9 Gouverneur Slip, 227 3000 St. FREE SECURITY — For this trick you need some money to begin with.
Write to the Office of Information, Department of the Interior, Washington, DC. It takes about a month to process your application, but if you get a card you are entitled to free hospital and dental services, private physicians, drugs and many other medical advantages AMBULANCE SERVICE — Call 440-1234. There is no way to get an ambulance without a cop in New York. Deposit it in a bank and return in a few weeks telling them you lost your bank book.
If you want them absolutely fresh, put them in an oven to which you have added a pan of water (to avoid drying them out), and warm them for a few minutes.
Large East Side bars are fantastically easy touches. THE INTERNATIONAL SOCIETY FOR KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS is located at 26 Second Avenue. You can get free room and/or meals here if you are over 21 but it's worse than jail or Bellevue. If you get stoned enough and miss getting off you can also wiggle a free boat ride although you get sent back as soon as you hit the other side — but it's a free ocean cruise, even if it's in the brig. FREE CLOTHES - Try ESSO, 341 East 10th Street or Tompkins Square Community Center on Avenue B and 9th Street. The night before residents put out all kinds of stuff on the street. FREE SUBWAY RIDES — Get a dark green card and flash it quickly as you go through the exit gate.
A&P stores clean their vegetable bins every day at A. They always throw out cartons of very good vegetables. Also recommended is picking up food in a supermarket and eating it before you leave the store.
Most bakeries will give you day old stuff if you give them a half way decent sob story.
" The professional panhandlers don't waste their time on the Lower East Side except on weekends when the tourists come out. It can be anything from a funny dance to a five piece band or a poetry reading.
Yo' @Fly Tendencies , you look like a fat nigga with epilepsy.There is some law that if the meat touches the ground or floor they have to give it away. FREE FRESH FISH — The Fish Market is located on Fulton Street and South Street under the East River Drive overpass. FREE COOKING LESSONS — (Plus you get to eat the meal) are sponsored by the New York Department of Markets, 137 Centre Street. Remarks such as "I'm Marvin's brother" or — learning the bride's name from the paper — "Gee, Dorothy looks marvelous" are great. Little do they realize that you are a super freeloader. Max's Kansas City at Park Avenue South and16th Street doesn't even mind it if you freeload when you are hungry and an advantage here is thatyou can wear any kind of clothes. A few yippie-diggers serve up a meal ranging from Lion Meat to Guppy Chowder to Canteloupe Salad. If you are really looking for class, pick up a copy of the New York Times and check the box in the back pages designating ocean cruises. Just walk on a few hours before sailing time and start swinging. Be prepared to tell a good story as to why you cannot work, however your looks (which they cannot make you change) might be good enough reason. There are also various food stamp and medical programs you become eligible for If you can stomach hassle, welfare is a must. M on Mondays some of the best lawyers in the city available here. FREE FURNITURE — By far the best place to get free furniture is on the street.So if you know how to trip a meat truck, by all means . Lines like "Betty doesn't look pregnant" are frowned upon. Take a half empty glass of booze from an empty table and use it as a prop. Max features fried chicken wings, Swedish meatballs and ravioli. THE CATHOLIC WORKER — 181 Chrystie Street, will feed you any time but you have to prayas you do in the various Salvation Army stations. The heaviest wino scene isthe Men's Temporary Shelter on 8 East 3rd Street. They are currently looking for a free truck to help them collect the food and free souls dedicated to extending the free food concept. Champagne, caviar, lobster salad, all as free as the open sea. The main office number is Dl 4-8700 if you do not live in lower Manhattan. Once a week in every district the sanitation department makes bulk pick-ups. FREE BUS RIDES — Get on with a large denomination bill just as the bus is leaving.FREE BOOKS AND RECORDS — If you have an address you can get all kinds of books and records from clubs on introductory offers. FREE GAS — If you have a car and need some gas late at night you can get a gallon and then some by emptying the hoses from the pumps into your tank.Since the cards you mail back are not signed there is no legal way you can be held responsible although you get all sorts of threatening mail, which, by the way, also comes free. The main branch is on Fifth Avenue and 42nd Street. Call OX 5-4200 for information and a schedule of free events. There is always a fair amount of surplus gas left when the pumps are shut off.